DENVER — News gathering can be a tricky business, especially because it involves a lot of waiting around for someone to call you back if you have a lead on a story. But when someone comes in with an exciting news release that's pitched as a monumental, life-changing event, you're bound to listen.
First though, you have to make sure to read that piece of news very carefully, especially if it arrives to your inbox on April 1.
From a new line of Colorado-themed shoes, Denver's first cat park or a "historic step" for the Mile High City, we truly hope you didn’t fall for any of these announcements made on social media this April Fools' Day.
1. DIA launches nation’s “first driveway to runway service”
You may have heard of the SuperShuttle, which takes you to or from the airport (kind of what you see in the first “Home Alone” movie when the family accidentally leaves Kevin behind), but it may not hold a candle to DIA’s new “driveway to runway service.
In a (fake) news release, DIA officials announced the launch of the new program, which provides passengers across the Denver metro area a “convenient and stress-free way to travel directly from their home to the plane!” How convenient you might ask? Not only will you get screened by “Travel Screening Association-approved drivers,” but some of the “luxury amenities” riders can expect are “complimentary trail mix and reusable water bottles” for the price of $199 per individual ride. Yikes!
2. Frontier adds “wide-body aircraft” to its fleet of “ultra-low fare” planes
If it sounds too good to be true, it’s because it is. This April Fools' Day, Frontier Airlines announced it would add a “wide-body aircraft” which would include “life-flat seating”, a “chef-curated menu,” free Wi-Fi (can they please do that, though?), and a $1 flight to Bora Bora. All lies!
Will I be alive to see free Wi-Fi on planes? Man, I sure hope so.
3. Forget about cat cafés, Denver is getting a cat park
If you’ve been here a while, you pretty much know Denver’s a friend to all the dogs while the cats… well, they’re kind of just there to plot mischief, I guess. But as of April 1, that’s no longer the case (or so the Denver Department of Parks and Rec. would have you believe).
In (another fake) news release, the city’s Parks and Rec. department announced it had officially opened the first park for cats to enjoy, which included climbing towers, scratching posts, and “plenty of areas where cats can look indifferent.” In addition, the new park was void of trees to “provide sunny nap spots, stop impromptu hunting of other animals, and to avoid the additional burden on the Denver Fire Department.”
One day, the time of cats will come, Denver. And we best be ready.
4. Boulder adopts unicorns and rainbows as part of its official city logo
Affectionately known as the “People’s Republic of Boulder” (allegedly because of its progressive values and engaged citizenry), City of Boulder officials on Monday said the city was doing away with its iconic image of the Flatirons and instead, it was adopting “unicorns and rainbows” as its official city logo after city council decided on the change following a vote in a special session Sunday (bless them for working on weekends, I guess!).
A city spokesperson said they planned on putting “a giant unicorn on the roof of city building,” and that the ”unicorning” would take place April 10 at the Band Shell.
Honestly, it doesn’t feel far off for Boulder to do this.
5. Gov. Polis announces new line of Colorado-themed shoes
Look, the governor of Colorado has done unbelievable things in the past, like speaking in Galactic Basic (like Yoda, from “Star Wars,” for the non-nerds reading this) during the previous two State of the State addresses, so suffice it to say that when we received a news release that he was releasing a new line of Colorado-theme shoes, I sort of believed it. After all, a former president did just that not too long ago.
“Many Coloradans know me for my signature blue sneakers or my Colorado-themed sneakers, they are an important part of my daily attire, especially as I travel across the state to visit with Coloradans. Now, I’m thrilled to launch my own line of shoes so that every person can experience comfort without sacrificing style,” Gov. Polis is quoted as saying in a news release Monday.
Poking a bit of fun at the sneaker line launched by former President Donald Trump, Polis said his shoe line would “quickly outpace” those of the former president. All proceeds, he said, would “go toward the enhancement and preservation of Colorado’s world-class public lands.”
Sadly, no. A version of the Colorado-themed shoes he showed off in 2019 (that he allegedly often wears) are not coming to a store near you.
6. Purgatory Resort unveils avalanche rescue cat as part of its ski patrol team
Dogs are man’s best friend and have proven capable of saving people in avalanche rescue operations, but at Purgatory Resort, it’s not the dogs that are catching all the glory for their efforts. No, no.
On Monday, Purgatory Resort announced it was excited to unveil the newest member of its ski patrol team: Scout the avalanche rescue cast! (see the main image of the story)
“As the first feline member of mountain patrol, Scout represents a groundbreaking shift in mountain rescue,” resort officials said in a news release. We would sort of believe it if weren’t for the glaring red flag in the announcement:
“From navigating snowmobiles with finesse to displaying unwavering loyalty to his human counterparts, Scout is a reliable rescue companion.”
Ha! Way to give cats a bad name, Purgatory.
7. Mayor Mike Johnston announces “historic step” for Denver
In declaring a “very important announcement” Monday morning, Denver Mayor Mike Johnston said on the social media site X, formerly Twitter, that as part of being a world-class city, it was time for the city to move to a world-class system.
“That is why today we are excited to announce that we are officially changing Denver to the metric system,” Johnston said.
Mayor @MikeJohnstonCO announces a historic step for Denver. pic.twitter.com/S3wE4JgZmE
— City and County of Denver (@CityofDenver) April 1, 2024
The announcement did not come without consequence, mainly the scrapping of all references to the “Mile High City,” which will instead be known as the “1.6-kilometer city.”
It may not have the same ring to it, but nothing beats the simplicity of the metric system. We're long past due, America. Why not start in Denver?
